You nod as though you understand, fearful not to offend this person.
“Does the house have a basement?” asks your assailant.
“Uhm.” you gulp, with a shocked nod.
“And does the basement contain hammers?”
“Yes.”
“And a power saw?”
You nod before being hauled to your feet and shoved into another house. You’re dragged around as fast as possible, spinning in every direction, every door is opened, every cabinet is revealed. The lights are turned on and off again. You are shown a set of circuit breakers, but no basement, no hammers, no power saw. Then, you’re dragged outside and thrown on the pavement.
“Does the house have a basement?”
“I didn’t see one.”
“Does the house have hammers?”
“Uhm….” The point of all this is lost in a mire of confusion and terror.
“Does the house have lights?”
“Yes?”
“Is it yes or no?!”
“Yes. Yes the house has lights.”
“But no basement?”
“No.”
“What about the first house. Did it have a basement?”
“Yes.”
“And did it have a lights?”
“I…I think so.”
“Do both houses have circuit breaker cabinets?”
You think hard, knowing the answer is yes, but doubting that is the correct response. “Um. Yes?”
“Yes. Both houses have circuit breakers.” barks your assailant, “But only one has a basement. So it follows that you do not need a basement to have lights?”
“No.”
“NO!” Shouts your assailant. “OF COURSE YOU DON’T!! But do you need a circuit breaker box for lights in a house?”
“Um….” you think. You really are not familiar with this sort of thing and you think this person who’s been dragging you around the neighborhood is a complete lunatic. “Uhm. Yes. I. I guess you do need a circuit breaker for lights in a house.”
“Is that what you think? Are you SURE?”
“Yes. I’m positive.” You answer.
Your assailant releases you. “Interesting response.” says your assailant. “I’m going to go ask someone else.”
Then, as quickly as he appeared your assailant departs while you lie there on the ground trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
And THIS, my friends is what LAWSCHOOL feels like.
